Saturday, October 25, 2008
Hot Topic of the Month - October 2008
Friendship is one of the most valuable assets one can have. The bible states at Proverbs 18:24 that"there exists a friend sticking closer than a brother". It also shares that "bad associations spoil useful habits" at 1 Corinthians 15:33. These points question what is the difference between a true friend and an associate? Should your mate be your friend first? Do you know how to make and keep a good friend? If you are young should your parents have a say in who you are friends with? Are you friends with someone for the right reasons? Are you friend worthy? Shares your thoughts with us. Also share with us some of your great friendship stories. Make sure you give details on how you met and how long you have been friends.
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You will be amazed at how many people, young and old alike, who do not know how and what it takes to be a good friend so I am starting a list. Please feel free to add to the list.
1. A good friend listens to each other.
2. A good friend do not put each other down or hurt their feelings intentionally.
3. A good friend is understanding.
4. A good friend "helps" to solve problems but realize it isn't their problem to take on.
5. A good friend give compliments, as deserved, but does not overdo it.
6. A good friend is supportive.
7. A good friend can disagree without being disagreeable.
8. A good friend is dependable.
9. A good friend is respectful.
10. A good friend is trustworthy.
11. A good friend gives their friend freedom to change.
12. A good friend cares about each other feelings, thoughts, and ideas.
13. A good friend is approachable.
14. A good friend knows that it is not about you. It is selfless vs selfish.
15. A good friend is sensitive but knows when to speak up when a friend is headed down a wrong path.
16. A good friend does not gossip about each other even when the friendship is going through a bad time.
17. A good friend is a confidant and do not share confidential matters unless it is life threating to someone.
18. A good friend will never ask a friend to take part in something illegal.
19. A good friend looks out for their friend best interest.
20. A good friend shares but does not allow themselves to be taken advantage of.
I think God has really bless me in the friendship department. While writing this month hot topic I sat back and thought about the friendships that I have. I am close friends with friends that I have been friends with for 43 of my 51 years. I also have friends that I have been friends with for 20 years and other close friendships have developed because of their friendships which are the Diva Breakfast Club members and Girlfriendz Movie Club members. I do not think I could have maintained these friendships this long if I did not know how to treat them in a well manner. Remember this saying "To have good friends you must be a good friend"! I strive to be friend worthy and likable. I also have started and maintained friendships through church, work and other social affinities.
"A true friend is one soul in two bodies"
Aristotle, The Greek Philosopher
How true is this statement? If you have a true friend you are usually on one accord and where one stop the other starts.
"There are friends, then there are acquaintances"
It’s all a matter of the degree of trust.
It all starts with "Acquaintances." Those are people we know by name and talk to when the opportunity arises but with whom our interactions are limited. We won’t go out of our way to talk to them.
Next up are our "Friends." People with whom we have voluntarily negotiated a more personal relationship. In our friends, we look for people whom we find attractive, have good social skills, who are responsive to us, and who have similar attitudes, values, beliefs and personalities.
We expect our friends to be:
A. Positive - you enjoy each other’s company
B. Assuring - you trust each other
C. Open - You share your feelings with each other
Last, but not least are our "Close" or "Intimate" Friends. These are the people with whom we share our deepest, innermost feelings. Close or Intimate Friends differ from just "Friends" in the degree of trust, commitment and enjoyment we get from being around those people. Over a period of time, you share ideas and feelings with your close friends. And, if they are of the opposite gender, intimacy may result. And, in some cases, they can even be of the same gender. It depends upon you and your orientation.
Most people should consider themselves lucky if they have one or two close, intimate friends. You might have a small number of people you consider "Friends," but the number of "Close" friends any one person has is very small. The bulk of the people with whom we are acquainted obviously then, comes from the category of "acquaintances" and we may have a large number of them, but few true friends.
Often, a close or intimate friend will be someone from our most primary relationship - the family, but it is usually someone from without and with whom we have negotiated that trust over a period of time. True friendship is something which takes work and isn’t something that just happens. It takes time to develop that degree of trust and satisfaction.
At the risk of repeating myself - to answer some of the questions you have posed - in order for the intimacy and love to develop in a relationship, you have to be friends with a person first. And, it should be noted that you can love someone, but not really like them and if that is the case - a marriage built upon such a foundation is a disaster waiting to happen because you haven't really become friends with them.
As to parents determining who you should be friends with - they can only introduce you to a person they would like to see you develop a friendship with. Whether a person does in fact become your friend, depends upon the chemistry between the two people involved and the three factors noted above. Truth be told - you may not like each other no matter how much Mom and Dad want you to become friends and they remain a mere acquaintance.
With regards to personal friendships, most of us are very picky about whom we allow into our lives and become friends with. I have several good friends, but no one at this time that I would consider to be a close or intimate friend - the last such person having died tragically a few years ago. And, before I moved to where I am now, I had two people whom I would have considered close friends - we did everything together, but as I've gotten older and realized that people either die or move away, I've become a bit more selective about the people I've allowed into my life and with whom I share those deepest thoughts and feelings. If I meet someone with whom I'm willing to share those thoughts and feelings, I'm certainly open to developing a closer friendship, but until - and if - that time arrives, I'm content with the way things are.
And that's all I have to say on the matter.
Sources: Myself - teach this every semester
http://askville.amazon.com/difference-true-friend-associate/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=22640339
"A true friendship is something from the heart <:0)"
An ASSOCIATE could be the people we work with....the neighbors...those who wait on us daily in stores, markets, restaurants...
People we know 'on sight', are familiar with, show recognition to....but.....
There is alway a 'fine line' of reserve. We don't get to know them personally...just on the surface. They don't pop in at your house, just to say, 'Hi'. You've probably never met their kids, spouse or families...gone out to lunch together...
A TRUE FRIENDSHIP is worth more than gold. Most friendships start out as associations....then, something clicks. You both have a desire to know more about each other....spend social time together...do projects together. You both enjoy sharing knowledge and experiences, laughing together, crying together...just always being there for each other.
Even true friendships have different levels of depth. I have one friend who I consider closer than a sister. Either one of us can call the other for absolutely anything. We never have to hesitate, think we may be 'bothering' each other. It's an unwritten promise.....'I'm there for you'.
FRIENDS FOR THE RIGHT REASONS....I believe a true friendship has 'no agenda'. It's a pretty even give and take. Unlike being friends with the family with the big pool or boat...for your own selfish gain...or being friends with someone you can push around to feel surperior...
A FRIENDSHIP STORY.....
We retired and moved from Connecticut to Florida 5 years ago. We knew not one soul in the area.
As we were renovating the log cabin we bought...we got to meet a neighbor here and there. Other new people were moving into nice NEW houses.....but.....
I started to notice this weird woman...nearly every day, she parked out in front of our house...sitting in a pick-up truck with her hair rolled up in big, pink curlers. She'd sit there for a half hour or so and then leave.
I asked a few neighbors about her...she was a stranger to everyone...very strange.
Finally, one day, I was out getting the mail when she pulled up and parked....again. So, I gathered my courage and went over to the truck to meet her. Seems that she and her hubby had just moved in to the house way at the end of the street...and she couldn't get any cell phone signal down there...so, she'd drive up the street until she could pick up a signal.
Of course, I just had to invite her in and show her our big renovation project....and, she, in turn, invited me down to see their place. We hit it off from day one...and over many, many glasses of iced tea...and a few glasses of wine, we became friends. The friendship has grown to something more like a 'sisterhood'. It was that 'once in a lifetime' happening...when two people just 'click'. Sure, we go out as couples...we get a gang together in the neighborhood...but, the best time of all is when it's just the two of us...hanging out.
We both have lots of different friends...and different interests...go our seprate ways...but...when we do get together....there's a special feeling. A friendship from the heart. A friendship 'on call' 24/7 but never abused. It's quite unique <:O)
Being friends with your MATE.....here, again is another kind of friendship. Not just to the heart, but right to the soul. A team mate...a lover...a co-parent...someone you trust with your life and wellbeing, someone you plan your entire future around. A person with such power that they can raise you up or tear you down with just a word or a look. After 25 years, we even read each other's minds most of the time.
Being best friends with your mate, through the good and the bad times in life is a very 'comforting' feeling. Having a 'soul mate' 'til death do us part.
As for parents picking their kids friends. For the most part, no. Let them make friends with the kids they're comfortable with. Of course, there may be a time when you have to step in and 'guide' them away from hanging out with the 'wrong crowd'...kids who don't have the same moral standards. That's just good parenting, protecting our kids <:O)
Sources: Helen's ramblings <:O)
http://askville.amazon.com/difference-true-friend-associate/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=22640339
Friendship is an often abused word. When we are young, all of our classmates are our "friends" then we go to a couple people who are not our friends but everyone else is. Some people grow out of this stage in one way or another and some people don't. I have a few good friends then I have those ones that are so close to me they are like my siblings. Monique and Jessica are my sisters. While Melody is a good friend. Then I also have acquaintances, co-workers and people I socialize with from time to time. There is a major difference in the amount of trust I instill in each set of people. I would tell Jessica and Monique something that I would probably never tell Melody. I also devote more time to my sisters because we tend to have some of the same ideas and weigh each other out.
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